Rachell Li answers your questions about dating and relationships. When to pick your nose in front of a new beau? How to tell someone you like them? To date online or to not? She’s got the answers!

When is it appropriate to pick your nose in front of a new girlfriend of boyfriend?

Sometimes I see new couples and it is the most awkward thing ever. They can barely be human, let alone themselves. Basically they prance around singing “Me? No, no, of course not! There is gas or snot in me, la la la!” In these circumstances picking one’s nose qualifies as a criminal and savage offence.

Then look at your parents. I am constantly shocked and surprised at what my parents will do in front of each other without a second thought. My dad walks around shirtless on only relatively warm days and my mum is liable to play table tennis in only a bra and granny undies. Charming. It should be noted that neither of my parents are models, and for good reason.

The way I see it, being with someone new (that you fancy) is like meeting a celebrity you’ve always liked. For some reason they are undeniably above you and you feel a great punching need to impress them and showing them that you can pick your nose is barely impressive, no? However, when you do realise that the famous people you admire and the people you love/like do go to the toilet and that they do all those unpleasant things everyone does, you begin to think something along the lines of “ah what the heck”. I suppose it would be like treating them like family, and believe me; you can do almost anything in front of your family with no shame at all. 

Now, a great test of any new relationship getting serious is, of course, Meeting The Family. I suppose it is important because if family means a great deal to you as it does to me, you will be anxious to see if your partner will take to them and vice versa. Nothing screams “I am human” more than you showing your partner your idiosyncratic parents. Messy house, bad cooking and all. If your partner can survive your family then they can survive you picking your nose. 

Why don’t people just say if they like you or not?

I’ve known some brave people in my time who, can you believe this, said what they felt. It is ridiculous, I know. Sends me into fits of chuckles, tutting and head shaking every time. They obviously don’t know how the world works. And even if they did, they are definitively not normal. Their solid confidence and self-assuredness are just strange and terrifying. 

Common people like us instead opt for a less effective, more time consuming, and very paranoid approach of doing very little to nothing at all. Sometimes we stall and beat around the bush. Sometimes we turn into total jerks and sometimes we become so peroxide blonde that anyone within a 3-metre radius immediately tans. I’ve seen some of my friends go at it for years. It’s amazing how vulnerable and spineless we can become when it comes to people that matter. But, of course, I understand that is it hard to say these things. Love is a very lofty thing in your head but when it comes to real life, it is more floppy than lofty. Thoughts of rejection, loss of pride and significantly reduced levels of self-confidence don’t exactly straighten you back into action.

Okay, before I give you my advice let me recount some advice that I’ve heard being thrown about:

1. Be confident.
2. Make the first move.

Technically, that is good advice, but hardly realistic. If you are a neurotic, compulsive coward, raise your right hand. Now raise your left one to make it even. Right. If you raised your hands then you might as well listen up. Be a coward, it’s okay. Use the Internet. Instant messaging is the way of the future. Technology is a shield, so hide well behind it. Sure, it doesn’t have the same effect of actually asking the person you like to their face, but it does have a lot of pros as well. For one, the rather unpleasant factors of eye contact and facial expression are no longer relevant. If they turn you down it is a lot easier to feign happy indifference and if they take you up on your offer your excitement won’t freak them out. Also, it gets the job done and if the person likes you they won’t care what you use to ask them out/profess your love. They may even be glad that it was online too, even. 

A word of warning though: If you do ask someone out online it is probably best to start hanging out in real life pretty soon after. A relationship based mostly on MSN conversations makes for awkward times when you actually see each other. 

Is it okay to meet someone online?

Most online relationships are harmless. That said, the internet is full of a lot of weird people, as trite as it may sound, and you must make sure you have not picked one up by accident. 

1. The best way to ensure that your online partner is a-okay is through a few simple steps:
2. Consider the grounds on which you met. Was it in a reputable forum inhabited primarily by teenagers or a strange chat room from the depths of the interwebs? 
3. Never exchange phone numbers, addresses, what school you go to or any other personal details. 
4. Do not (even if you have one) agree to appear on webcam or send pictures. 
5. Be very wary of requests to meet in person. If they propose to meet very early on, block and delete them.

Above all, listen to your intuition. If deep down you suspect that they are just not the sort of person you’d go out with in real life then leave. Delete and block. It’s easy and painless.

Disclaimer: This is by no means a comprehensive guide to staying safe online. For more information on staying safe online, check out Chatdanger. 

Lastly (and this goes for all relationships), make sure that your integrity remains 100% in tact. Don’t lose your mind or your way for a greasier, less talented Rivers Cuomo. It is just not worth it. 

Ask Rachell your Random Questions!

Rachell Li
February 11, 2010