It remains there without the influence of anyone or anything else, through thick or thin, near or far, and not when you “feel like it”. When you really care for a person, you will see to it that you will try your best to be there for that person because you want to.

Love is when you want to spend time with your special someone. This extends to the person that you are romantically involved in. Although everyone needs some space to ourselves, you want to spend most of your time with the person you love. It is simply the fact that you want them there with you no matter where you are and what you are doing. Sometimes, it even turns into a game of trying to fit each other into our busy schedule, but in the end, you know it is all worth it. Even if it is just staying home, cooking dinner and watching a movie whilst cuddling, it is enough. After all, it is in fact, spending quality time with one another. Personally, a sign that a person is not that into you is that they don’t want to spend time with you that much. They always have the excuse of being too busy or trying to make more time with friends and family; they fit you in the smallest amount of time they have to spare left because they just can’t think of anything else to do. That, ladies and gentlemen, is not a good sign.

Love. Do not say it if you are sure of the word itself. Love is a very strong word and should not be used in vain. Yes, there are times when you “think” you’re in love with the person, but you are actually not. We all experience other feelings we might end up confusing as love – namely, infatuation. Infatuation can be misleading. Infatuation is normally an outburst of affection for someone and it is normally short-lived. An online dictionary, Wordnet Princeton defines infatuation as: [1] a foolish and usually extravagant passion or admiration, [2] puppy love: temporary love of an adolescent, [3] an object of extravagant short-lived passion. All three definition states one thing: it is temporary. If by any chance, the person you think you are in love with suddenly seems boring or there is a lack of passion, I would hate to say, it just might be infatuation! Before stating 1-4-3 [I L**e You], make sure you mean what you say. Just remember, it carries weight and responsibility when you say it.

Love. You should not lie about it. Sure, you might see other couples walking around, hand-in-hand and saying 1-4-3 to one another doesn’t mean that you should be pressured to say it to your partner. If your partner questions you as to why you do not say it to him or her, just express your true feelings. Say that it is not the time and you should not say things just to make him or her happy. In the end, it is just harm for both yourself and your partner. Your partner may not be happy with the answer but try to reason with them and make them see the truth. You are still with them and it is not as if you do not like them and not want to be with them cause you didn’t say those words. It is simply not the right time and love takes a while for it to develop. Love comes differently to each individual, some take months, some even years to say it. Just be sure at the time and do it out of your own initiation; not of guilt/stress/peer-pressure. That is just lies.

Love is a learning process. Whether it be your first relationship or your second or your third, or…, you get my drift, you should always try and get to know one another. To get to properly know a person takes years. This does not only mean getting to know their favourite colour, singer/band, hair colour, hobbies and etc., yes, that is a part of it but there are other things that you still have to learn and sometimes accept.

Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world. (Hird, E.).

Habits. This is what I’m talking about. Everyone has habits, good and bad. Sometimes, these habits do not show themselves until you start to know that person more deeply. If you are in a serious relationship, why not try getting to know them in their own space/home and OBSERVE (Oh, my! What big eyes you have Grandma! All the better to see you with, my dear...It’s from Little Red Riding Hood if you were wondering). When you are blindly in love, you tend to turn a blind eye to these things thinking that the person may change. Try thinking: What if they don’t want to change or just won’t change? Long-term, it is wise to consider these things.

Loved ones are supposed to be your best friend and more. There shall be no secrets between one another. No past hidden from each other. Trust, is very important. If you do not trust someone, how can you fully love them? What happens if you do not see eye-to-eye? Or end up in an argument? If you love someone and want to benefit, both yourself and your partner, calm down. It is not wise to speak when you are angry. In the end, you will end up regretting stating something you would not normally say or do. If it is an argument over an issue that you do not see eye-to-eye with, just discuss things calmly and make the best compromise together and just remember to keep in mind what your partner has in mind too. (P.S: Don’t sit there and go to LA-LA-land when your partner is trying to tell you what is going wrong. Listen! That’s what your ears are for! And listen to it with an open mind. A blocked mind be disastrous.)

Love makes no burden too heavy to bear. Love, should not be a burden! If you are wondering what I am talking about, it just all comes down to this. COMPROMISE. We all have our pet peeves and might do something to tick each other off once in a while. Love makes us blind and sometimes we just put up with it just for the sake of it. However, do not keep it to yourself if it bothers you on a daily basis. One day, you might just see yourself exploding and your partner will think you have lost your mind.

Love. It is a package that requires patience. We all have our bad habits, our flaws and these can’t be erased over-night. It might require months or years to try to get rid of. This reminds me, if really do love a person, you really want to try to change yourself for the better to please the person. Yes, although I agree that you should not try to change the person completely, it’s simply cutting out bad habits that you and your partner can find. For example, you might smoke; your partner does not and wants you to. Should you try and quit? Yes, if you love them. After all, if they feel the same way about you, they only care about you and your health.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own” (Heinlein, R.)

Nothing is too much or too little when you are in a relationship. It is not an obligation to do something. You should do it because you know it makes your partner happy and that in itself, should be a solid reason to make you want to do it. Love, in all essence, is SELF-LESS. (I must be self-less, say it… s-e-l-f-l-e-s-s). You would want to put the other person’s need ahead of yours. True love is when you are able to make a sacrifice (no, I do not mean killing an animal for an altar…). Money also should not be a problem to love. You should love the person for who they are and not how much they are spending on you. Albeit the fact that we all love to be spoilt, money should not be the way to your heart. Unless you love money… Then I really have nothing to say (you cold-blooded beast!).

I have so much to write about love and yet I might be sitting here writing a thesis out of my own head. Love, in all respect, is indeed ineffable. I have really (I promise I did!), really tried cutting it down but love is just too deep to be put in a single sentence! To cut it short, I guess, loving someone is when you want to be there for that person because you care for them and their well-being and enjoy spending every single moment together - all good-times and the bad times.(hence the word unconditional). With caring for that person also come patience, selflessness, compromise, the need to learn and observe and so much more complex things to make up just the one word: love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians, 13:4-8).

You cannot love someone partially (conditionally in this matter). It is either you do or you don’t. Love is when you are able to look past the flaws of the person and love them for who they really are. As a parting reminder, just remember to cherish the person you love and spend time with them to show that you care and appreciate them for who they are.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin).

Mesha Chow
January 29, 2010